You’ve gone down in flames. You’ve had your last hard on. You’re package is shooting blanks. No wood, no leche, you’re done. You might as well Bobbitt yourself. What a spectacle. You’ve transformed into the angry sailor in the corner. And there’s still four more days left in your vacation. Damn. “How could I do this to myself?” Not even a wingman can help you.
Let’s get down to business here. Plan ahead. In the week prior to leaving, you need to get in fighting shape. Cut back on the booze for starters. Remember, shake it more than twice and you’re playing with it. Slam multi vitamins like candy. Our bodies are machines, and very few are well oiled. If you’re partaking in this sport, chances are your machine needs a major overhaul year round. Chances are your engine blew up years ago.
Back to the basics. Again, this is the week before your trip to paradise. Since drinking dilutes most of the zinc from your body, take extra zinc every day. Take DHEA twice a day to build up your testosterone levels. Add in large daily doses of Vitamins B, E, Iron, Magnesium, and also increase your level of exercising. Like marathoners do, flush your system with twice the water you normally drink. This makes your body over hydrated, which helps take care of the dehydration issue in the first few days of tropical weather. Drink a lot of coconut juice to build up for your Peter North blasting. If you can find some juice during your trip, grab it. For food, overload on protein, as in large steak and fish meals. Get some protein bars to eat at your vacation spot.
Last but not least, it’s time for your ancient Chinese secrets, as you’re transforming into a world-class fuck warrior. We recommend you start taking ginseng, fo-ti, and Yohimbe root. Ginseng is fairly well known in most parts of the world. Fo-ti, or traditionally called he-shou-wu by the Chinese, is an all-natural root that is used to relax the bowels and detoxify and strengthen the blood. Processed fo-ti is one of the more widely used tonics in traditional Chinese medicine, which employs it to enhance longevity, increase vigor, promote fertility, and supplement vital energy (qi). Yohimbe bark comes from the bark of a tree that grows exclusively in remote parts of Africa. What a transition in life, you ’re now eating tree bark, and flying across the world and bonking a dozen girls in a week.
Yohimbe is a sensual stimulant for healthy men and women. Yohimbe’s energizing effects stem from its ability to increase blood flow to the genitals. It stimulates the pelvic nerve ganglia and thus is improves a man’s erection. In fact, a prescription drug, yohimbine hydrochloride, is an FDA approved drug for impotence. Effects can include increased libido, increased sensation and increased stamina. Women have also reported similar effects and increased sensations, although that could just be a result of being on the recipient end of your porn star talents.
When you’re traveling, you have to watch what you eat and drink. If you’ve ever felt the Mexican Montezuma in your butt, or you’re basic water poisoning, you know what we mean. You do not want to spend half your vacation sitting on the toilet, and walking around bow legged with brown racing striped boxers. The rules on drinking their water are pretty well known. No ice, and little to no tap water. Get in the habit of buying a 12 pack of bottled water as one of your first priorities when you land. If you don’t, you’ll be avoiding water and soon be dehydrated in a day or so. Also, put one bottle in the bathroom; use it for brushing your teeth and so forth.
For meals, find food that has been thoroughly cooked and hasn’t been sitting around. Avoid the street food vendors; avoid all lettuce (water based). No raw vegetables or fish. Eat at crowded restaurants that have a high turnover, no stagnant food. Make sure your utensils are clean, as they can carry bacteria.
For an upset stomach, bring along the product called Activated Charcoal. Found in any vitamin shop, this product soaks up all the toxins in food and alcohol. It’s great for an upset stomach as well as for hangovers.
It’s rare to get much sleep during vacation due to the pedal to the metal attitude. It’s not just the sparse hours you sleep, but the restlessness, insomnia, and lack of REM deep sleep. The solution: buy some Valerian Root, another vitamin available at any store. Valerian is widely used as a mild nerve sedative and sleep aid for insomnia, excitability, and exhaustion. It puts you into a deep REM sleep, the quality is increased, and the time taken to fall asleep is reduced. Of course, should you wake up unexpectedly and find some cute young bubble butt laying next to you, don’t expect it to keep you from mounting her.
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Last but not least is the most important part of the Performance Art. PACE YOURSELF !! It is very easy to lose your mind at the sheer quality and quantity of girls who demand sex from you, but you gotta keep your game plan tight. If your trip is gonna be close to a week, limit yourself to maybe 2 sessions a day. Plan an afternoon threesome and a good single session at night. Try to avoid the sleepovers in the beginning, because you’ll wake up and do multiple sessions in the morning, which spoils your afternoon romp, which spoils your evening romp. Pace yourself. Also, NO binge drinking. Get shitfaced at home, you’re down here to screw, not puke. It’s kind of like running a race. It’s better to have something left and pick up the pace at the end, then sprinting the first leg and having NOTHING LEFT for the finish. Until you’ve been through this problem once, you won’t recognize the value of the advice. One more thing while we’re at it, pick the hottest chicks you can find. This is no time for settling for a 6 because she’s nice and talks a good game. Be patient, and when you make your move, go for the 8’s, 9’s, and tens.
Remember, fat and old chicks are gross.
Memorize these rules to live by:
1) DON’T fall in love.
We pay them to leave. Leave your emotions out of it. No matter how sweet and innocent they seem, they are professionals. They know exactly what you want to hear and feel, and will smother you with it for an agreed price. You’re buying a fantasy. Lust is fine; love for a hoe is ridiculous. Treat everything they say as an exaggeration or a lie and you’ll do just fine. Remember, you’re on vacation, and in a couple of hours an even hotter girl will be begging to sleep with you. If you start to get weak over one, move up to two girls at a time. Rinse and repeat.
2) NEVER PAY in dollars
If the girl immediately negotiates in dollars, you’ve got a seasoned pro….move on. All your offers should be in their currency, and should be in the proximity of the market rates. This shows you have a clue to what you’re doing, and gets you a better price in your transaction, and better performance. DO NOT overpay, it raises the cost for everyone else. If you pay too much she’ll know you’re a fool and the service will be worse and the scams will increase.
3) NEVER send them money.
If she ever mentions Western Union, she’s a hardcore pro full of BS. Her sweet old grandma isn’t blind, her buffalo isn’t in the hospital, her baby doesn’t need medicine, and they’re not shutting off the electricity.
If you hit the internet cafes, you’ll see girls writing these stupid love letters asking for men to send her Western Union money, with cc lists of 50 names they’ll attach one by one. It’s a whole side business for some girls. It’s bad enough they lied the first night: “But kumchowchow, I thought you said were in love with me?”. If she needs money for din din, shove her head into your lap. “This one’s free, honey.”
4) Your word is King.
If she suddenly changes the rules, tries to give you any lip or commands, or refuses to do what you discussed, open the door and tell her to get out. No drama allowed, we can get that any day at home with the old lady. You’ll be surprised how fun this can be. Nine times out of ten they’ll suddenly have a change of heart and it’s business as usual. In this scenario, call room service and have them deliver you a golden throne on a pedestal. Put on a huge pinky ring, chew a cigar, and demand the hummer of a lifetime. BUT, if the girl stays a bitch, a psycho, or is on drugs, take out the garbage.
That’s why you pay later, to control the situation.
5) Don’t scam them.
Don’t say you’re in love or want to get married or want to bring them home. Don’t refuse to pay. Be honest. If your ego tells you that shouldn’t have to pay, or you offer petty fees to girls, the word will spread literally over night. There are certain rules implied in this game, and all the girls talk. They know your prices, your vices, and every position you’ve done with the previous girl. Do this beggar approach twice at any one club, and no one will approach you. You will need to take your cheap act elsewhere. In countries like Columbia and Brazil the girls know some very bad people who will correct the problems you create. Just one exception here is the girl doesn’t need to know if you’re married or what your real name is.
6) “Your girl” is not different from all the rest.
“Look man, she may have done 12 guys yesterday, but she said I’m her favorite.”
7) Be patient.
Sharpen your skills, learn to spot the clues that pinpoint a seasoned pro, and avoid her like the plague. No clock-watchers, you want a young fantasy date. Wait as long as it takes till you find a girl you are really into. You’ll be in shock when you look around and see guys settling for some fattie just because she schmoozed him better than the others. If you are going to pay for a chica, make sure you lust for her. Pick something way out of your league that you’ll remember forever. Not some perfect 10 cocky looking pro, pick a cute young one who looks shy and new to the game.
8) Trust your instincts.
If you have a feeling she’s a little too crafty, or you just smell a problem, dump her. Your instincts are always right. These instincts were given to you from the days of the caveman. You may not be unable to pinpoint why you feel uncomfortable, or have a bad feeling, but trust your instincts and realize they are warning you of trouble ahead.
9) Take safety precautions.
In your hotel room, if it isn’t bolted down, it goes in the safe. Keep virtually nothing in the bathroom or on the desk. When a girl is in the bathroom with the door closed, if she’s not in the shower, she may be shopping. Say goodbye to all your toiletries. Never leave your toothbrush alone in there either, put it elsewhere. Be very suspicious if you have two dates in your room; keep your eye on the one who’s unattended. She’s also shopping. NEVER let a girl talk you into taking a shower before her.
Keep your money divided up in a number of hidden places, hide credit card receipts or shred them, and never gulp a drink handed to you. It’s safer to drink a bottled beer that never leaves your hand. Some of these girls will hand you a drink that gives new meaning to the term “mind eraser.” Unless you really trust them, sleep alone at night. Tell them to come back for breakfast and get another round then.
10) When a girl asks…
Tell her you have been to many times, you are staying for another week, as well as returning again in a few weeks for business. Even if your flight is in 4 hours, swear up and down you’re planning on relocating here. In fact tomorrow, the mayor is dedicating a park in your name, and giving you the key to the city in a big ribbon cutting ceremony. This will avoid the girl trying to scam you with an uninspired quickie. If you’re perceived a regular, her performance will be her best. This is her business, and the hope is her new meal ticket, (you), will be a repeat customer. Also, you will be much more convincing while saying this nonsense if you are able to hide your raging hard on. Be smooth, confident, and don’t drool.
11) Don’t take her shopping…
This can easily cost twice as much as having her for the night.
12) When renting an apartment…
You’ll be asked to pay in full by the broker. Never do this. Offer to pay for one day in advance, and then if the apartment appears satisfactory, pay for the rest. Pay in full and you’ll never get a refund. More importantly, inspect the room with the broker like you’re buying it. Check the bathroom for hot water, soap, towels, and toilet paper. They will skimp you blind. Check the AC, operation of the safe; look for bugs and cockroaches in kitchen and cupboards, test out the bed. Be patient and thorough. Ask for a different room if you’re at all not happy. The broker will pretend he doesn’t speak English and then demand the full week paid in full (in perfectly good English). Tell him another room, or it’s just a one-day rental. Be Firm. Worst case, grab a hotel and ask around for another apartment broker.
13) Your attitude is everything …
Smiling and how you act in general towards women is what matters most to the girls. They’re used to being treated like crap by the locals. You don’t have to dazzle them with money, since just by being a foreigner they assume you are rich. But treating them like a potential girlfriend will pay off no matter how much time you spend together.
14) No credit cards…
Never give someone your credit card in a faraway country. No bar tabs, brothel bills, nothing. Pay cash. Use the ATM for your daily supply of play money.
15) Never underestimate…
Yes, even in a foreign country, never underestimate how conniving a woman can be. Be prepared to watch in awe as that gorgeous, cuddly, innocent chica turns into a scammer or a bitch the minute the door closes in your hotel room. Even worse are the ones who suddenly demand 3x the agreed rate in the morning. Return the favor, don’t accommodate, open the door and slam it on her stupid ass. Next!
16) Be a chameleon.
Blend into the culture you are visiting. Notice how the locals dress in public and clubs. If everyone is GQ, with dress pants and shiny shoes, adjust. Don’t prance around in the Ugly American tourist kit. If you’re older, this would mean the baggy shorts, screaming loud Hawaiian shirt, sneakers,
300-gallon sombrero hat, and Elvis glitter shades. If you’re younger, this would be ghetto shorts with exposed butt cleavage, Lakers Jerseys, a dozen gold chains, and the backwards cap. Not only are you laughed at by all the girls, but also you set yourself to be an easy target for thieves.
Some of you will get all-defensive here and say I’ll do whatever I want. A few years back in Rio a guy like this, an experienced black belt no less, was jumped by a 13 year old boy trying to pickpocket him. The guy grabbed him and threw him. The boy’s 14 year old buddy appeared and shot him for his gold chains.
Blend into the scenery. If it’s a beach town like Pattaya, shorts, T-shirts, sneakers, and a vicious hangover are perfect attire. Just be aware of your surroundings. Of course, the rule of thumb is dressing classy will get you further with a women. Even in dirt-poor countries like Columbia, a girl can glance at you and tell you what designer label shirt you’re wearing.
17) DON’T get caught.
No strip club matchbooks, no woman’s hair on your shirts, no lipstick stains, and no Viagra pharmacy receipts or condoms. Hell, burn your suitcase at the airport if necessary.
18) TAKE health precautions.
Bottled water and cooked food are your friends. No ice in mixed drinks, and never drink something handed to you unless you opened it. Use bottled water when brushing your teeth. The street food carts or delivered meals on the beach are very convenient, right up to the point where you spend a week hugging the toilet and walking like you just got off a horse. AVOID THEM. The only beach food should be fruit that you peel, or something you brought from the local convenience store.
19) Check Reservations
Never trust your travel agent, check, check, and reconfirm all your hotel and air reservations. Don’t get stranded at Bumfuck Airport.
20) NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER pay upfront.
When paid later, the girl has an incentive to be great in the sack.
21) Keep it Quiet.
The information contained in this book should be considered top secret. You are now an elite member of an underground world. Guard this book with your life, as women who find it, destroy it. The less people know about the real world of aggressive, insatiable women out there the better…don’t ruin it for everyone else. Feminists have already destroyed Western culture for men; don’t think they won’t go beyond the borders if it means maintaining access to your wallet. Only share stories with single guys who will actually partake in the adventures. Married guys tend to be jealous, get weak, and spill the beans to their wives. Suddenly, the whole town knows overnight. When you return from vacation, all your discussions should involve either golfing or fishing.